I love the person I’ve become since moving here.  As I said before, the best gift I have ever given myself.  I am that perpetually positive, probably to annoyance for some I am sure, person.  Sure, there are moments of ‘god, why can’t this or that happen.’  But for the most part I can spin anything to ~ this was meant to happen because of X Y & Z.

I love that I am that book nerd who checks books out from the library ~ is sometimes, actually many times in bed or in the bath around 9pm reading something on China or a good smut novel.  Depending on my mood.  Only to wake at 6am and take a spin class from my favorite instructor, who I plain and simply STALK or have a run in the park with my new running group.  I love that I still smile as I am running around the reservoir and on a good day, my mileage has clocked 7.  2013 NYC Marathon here I come!

I love that I spent NYE this year in a final meditation after a yoga class.  It was the most amazing way to start my year.  Had you of asked me 6 years ago that I would be sober on ANY NYE in the future, I would have said, you have lost your mind.  HA HA!  Oh, yes how life changes…

I love that I bought a size 12 pair of jeans (they do need a belt) and I look damn good in them.  The compliments of how skinny I look will never get old.  Yet, I find it hysterical considering a size 12, in the eyes of sizes, is NOT SKINNY.  Could it be possible that I am accepting that size really doesn’t matter???  I love that I will also wear these pair of jeans with H&M tanks 5 days in a row and not care.  Who really does care???

I love that I went home for the holidays and was laid up on the couch for 6 days with a neck injury.  Sounds crazy but that time spent with the parents, even on pills, was much-needed. And I now know what it is like to watch the Christmas Story 6 times in a row on Christmas morning.  How there are bits I hadn’t noticed by the 6th round still amazes me!

I love that my parents don’t just say I live in NYC ~ they say, Manhattan.  God I love that.

I love that my soon to be sister in law is one of the most beautiful ladies I have ever met ~ THANK YOU MATT!  And I love that my little brother gave me the most beautiful Christmas card I have ever received.  Funny how much more I cherish my family these days.

I am currently in a battle of the dark circles ~ not loving this as much but am finding that I am still taking more pictures of myself even though my face seems to be aging more quickly these days!!!

I love the friends I’ve made and the friendships I continue to have ~ I seriously love each and every one of them with my whole heart.  I love that we laugh constantly.  I love that some I talk to regularly and other not so much, but are still very much there.

I love that I barely use my subway app anymore.

I love that my apartment is literally 300sq feet and lately I have felt that elevator (also known as the death box) is going to break…. again.  Actually, that part I am not loving, but I still don’t take the stairs.

I love that I still walk around this city, looking at tourists and think to myself, thank god I don’t have to leave.

I love updating my daily to-do lists on my morning commute on the 6 train…. and sometimes add things that I would do no matter what, just so I can….. delete what I have accomplished from my to-do list on my afternoon commute home on the 6 train.  I love the fact I have made an official budget for 2012/2013 and if all goes to plan credit debt will be paid off in early 2013!

I love who I am today…..  And that most of my days are spent just being happy.  Who knows what is going to happen in 2012 ~ but I am pretty certain that at the end of it I will be able to come up with another ‘I love’ list, of what happened to me.  Even the not so great moments.

I hope everyone has the most incredible 2012 and thank you for supporting me on this journey to NYC. 

xoxo!

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep so I started reading.  A few hours later and 130pages down, I was completely into it.  I have never actually written down notes before when I read but this book was different.  She wrote about the lessons she had learned that she felt saved her life.  These lessons came from different cooks that had crossed her path.  It was an amazing read, I highly recommend it.  Here is a bit of what she talks about.

~No matter where you are in life, you can always start over.

~Until you know what you really like, you are lost.

~Life takes a little patience and a little persistence.

~Stop comparing yourself, at the end of the day, all that matters is “did I do my best? did I tell the truth?  was I helpful?  did I make something good to eat?”

~You don’t really know who you are until you know where you come from.

~Look at your world as a beautiful world.

~The most valuable thing we have is being exactly who we are.

~We will always be a victim of expectations ~ If I have expectations it means I am trying to control the situation and we cannot control other people.

~What’s done is done, stop wallowing and move on.  You can’t change the past and we have no control over the future.  Let go of all the pain and missteps of the past and embrace hope in tomorrow.

Funny that there isn’t anything in particular going on that made me feel like I would benefit from this book when I was reading the back.  I don’t really remember specifically why I picked it up.  But they are nice positive reminders about life and for me to take it a little less seriously.

In fact I feel like I am becoming more and more of a personal science experiment.  My newest is 30 days 30 yoga sessions.  A little goal I have wanted to accomplish since December.  A unfortunate boy situation catapulted me into finally doing this.  Why not focus on me, instead of what can I do to make ‘that guy’ like me.  Turning a negative situation into a positive one!  And so last Monday came…

Monday ~ 1st, whoop!  One down

Tuesday ~ 2nd, whoop whoop!  Two down!!!

Wednesday ~ not happening

Thursday ~ 3rd!  YAY!  I even did it at 8am.  Had to rush to make it to work, but wasn’t late.

Friday ~ No way Jose

Ok ~ so now I am looking at my weekend.  I am 4 away from 7.  That is a problem.  And I knew that if I fell behind this week, there was no way this goal was going to happen.  So boot camp yoga weekend started at 11am on Saturday.  1 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday.  And it was amazing, especially Sunday.  Session one ~ 9:30am ~ my brain did its usual thing, calm at times and compulsive thinking at others.  Session two ~ 11am ~ I completely lost myself.  The time came up and I swear my mind was clear for 60minutes.  Session 3 ~ 4:30pm ~ I was in my last pose of a back bend and had the biggest smile on my face.  Not only had I accomplished my 7 in 7days but I had accomplished my goal of 3 in one day, oh and I was in a back bend.  The simple fact I was able to do that after all that yoga was a proud moment.

I did it!!!!  And the peach sangria and yummy appetizers with my yoga teacher after was a nice way to celebrate.  So was watching the hot drummer guy…. shame I was still in my yoga clothes.

I will see you Session #8 at 7pm this evening…..

My next potential science experiment…. To actually stop internet dating!  Now that would be an earth shattering event in my life.  No more okcupid…that just might be crazy talk.  But I think it might be time to try to start meeting more men on the street.  HA!  I don’t know what is more frightening ~ meeting men on the street of NYC or on the internet.

Thankfully I was able to go to San Diego for her service ~ extremely sad but also a beautiful celebration of her life.  It isn’t fair to see my best friend lose her mom at 33.

Shortly after her service, the day of my big trip arrived ~ Rebecca and I set off for one of the best adventures of my life.  Poland, Budapest and Turkey.  The stories from this trip were incredible.  The laughter was endless…… and on one night from Krakow to Budapest, Nana came to visit me.

Rebecca and I each had our short ‘must do’ list for the trip.  An overnight train was almost #1 on mine.  So we did one from Krakow to Budapest.  First of all, train travel in Europe is amazing!!!!!  I never did the backpacking/hostel thing (thank sweet baby jesus I am to much of a snob for that, even when I was 18).  So this was all new to me.  We had a 1st class compartment, of course we did, with two bunk beds and a sink.  It was so cute and comfy!  We didn’t properly prepare for the voyage as we assumed there would be a BAR CAR, as one does when you think of train travel.  There wasn’t and after 4 unsuccessful attempts with the British men who were in the compartment next to us to get alcohol, we accepted our soberish fate and went to sleep.  They literally locked us into our car.

Ever since Nana had passed I had hoped she would come visit me in my sleep.  Thankfully I had spent a lot of time with her when I was back visiting at Christmas.  It is hard not to be able to really say goodbye to someone.  I should have known that she would pick this crazy overnight train adventure to come hang out with me.  I’ll never forget it….. In my dream, I was getting married and the wedding was on the exact train I was sleeping on (because that is normal).  I saw her come through the door and couldn’t make out her face at first but knew INSTANTLY it was her from her unforgettable wig.  This fabulous blonde bob that we all adored.  I rushed up to her and the embrace was so real.  I told her how much she was missed and she said she missed us so much.  I instantly started to hold on to the dream because I knew it wasn’t going to last and slowly it faded and I was semiconscious in my upper bunk bed again.  It was a short dream but the most memorable.  I was telling the story recently and my friend said he could feel how real it was to me, by just the way I was explaining it.

That has been the only time I’ve seen her since ~ but she was next to me all through Budapest.  She clearly didn’t want to visit Poland and I swear the minute I boarded the flight to Turkey, she was outta there.  Which makes sense….. I fell in love with Turkey but that place is crazy.  Istanbul was not Nana friendly.

Back to the life in NYC ~ I’ve lived in my apartment and been at my job for basically a full year now!!!!  TIME HAS FLOWN BY!!!!  and….. almost every night I fall asleep hoping that she comes back to visit.  It will be when I least expect it and I imagine the night before I run off to do something crazy.

It is nice to know that she is still a part of my wild adventures and that I have someone on that side who has my back just as much as she did here.

Straight off the bat we think he/they are gay.  But I always remain hopeful and the dissection of straight and gay characteristics begin.

~ What is he wearing?

Baseball cap perhaps… but it is a fashionable sports cap ….. point gay.

Is he sloppy?  Straight point.

Somewhat overweight??  Straight point

Is he put together with somewhat tailored clothes?  gay point ~ unless they are foreign, then who knows.

~ Fil or Barrington are sent to see if they can get some eye contact and use their gaydar ~ which never works because the minute they come within a foot of these guys they get flustered at how ‘pretty they are’ or how “beautiful their eyes are” and all goes to shit on getting a good gay/straight vibe.

~ The question is asked “Nicole, do you think he is straight?”  My answer… yes…. their response “Then he is gay.”  Point gay.

~ Drink order… does a straight man order a nonfat latte???  A Latte… yes a straight man does… nonfat???  That was a tough one…. in the end this went point gay today.

~ Eye contact is attempted to be made by both to see who gets it the most.  I can rack up a decent amount here.  Yes, these poor men are somewhat stalked while they are enjoying their brunch.

~ There is rotation of us going to the table to deliver food/drinks so that we can attempt to get a good signal…. and as more time passes I am told “Nicole, he is gay.”

~ Today I had a good straight vibe because Fil asked him for a drink refill and he looked at me with his answer.  This may sound absolutely retarded but in this game that was a huge straight point!

~ If they are ridiculously good looking I generally give into my theory that all the good ones are gay ~ which I did recently only to find out that he was straight ~ now I think anything is possible.

I am usually playing this game much more seriously than they are ~ and 9 times out of 10 I am on the loosing side.  But that is what I get for working at and loving a Cafe in the heart of Hells Kitchen.

So with that in mind NYC restaurant owners are taking advantage…… I am SHOCKED every single time I walk past and see a B!  WHO POSTS A B!!!!!  It is either an A or you shut down.  I have never seen a restaurant in Cali ever do that.  The other day I was walking up to a restaurant some friends I was with had been too.  Before we were in view of their grading scale, they told me how great it was and how I had to go…. then we hit the window.  Yup, a giant B in the window.  I was like ~ THEY HAVE A B!!!!!  Seriously…. who post’s a B.

I’ll tell you who ~ or one of the owners at the cafe has summed it up perfectly ~ “it means they didn’t clean up their mouse shit.”  I guess these owners feel like everyone in the city could use a little in our diets.

These places of business aren’t the dive Bodega’s or hole in the wall’s you would expect.  Some are really trendy spots!  Today I walked past a place who had strategically posted their B on a side window, out-of-the-way to see…. tricky little Bodega owners.

I haven’t seen a C ~ loads of grade pending, I have a feeling that is not good ~ B’s, as I have mentioned and then of course the A.  I live above a very fancy restaurant and they framed their A…. ahahahahahahahah.

Just looked up what a B actually means ~ • Grade B. 14 to 27 points for sanitary violations.  OMG…..

~ Been noticing more rats recently.  A few smooshed  in the road and the other night a friend lost her shit as one (or maybe two) were flying around the back patio area of a restaurant we were at.  End result, besides them making us wait over an hour for a table, was us finding a new restaurant.

~ Follow up to that post ~ we don’t have enough time in the day to waste waiting for a table (with a reservation) and it is pretty awesome to watch 4 girls mastermind a new dinner plan in a matter of minutes.  Thank you Android and IPhone… Mercer Kitchen was pretty much awesome.

~ And on that time note… you have no idea how many hours a week I save with my grocery delivery (Fresh Direct) and my local Wash/Fold Service.  I may never wash my own clothes or grocery shop in an actual store again.  And only in NYC would Fresh Direct have a delivery time from 10-11:30pm.  Seriously amazing.

~ I love my morning commute on the 6 train.

~ It is true that between 4-7pm the likelihood of getting a cab is slim to none.  I like to call it no cab o’ clock.

~ One of the many reasons I despise cab drivers but to explain the above, no cab o’ clock are the hours when they do their shift change.  I know they really enjoy passing everyone by trying to hail a cab.

~ Don’t sit on the wooden subway benches… you can get bed bugs that way.

~ I pass by tourists and think to myself how great it is that I don’t have to leave.

~ I gave someone a free coffee today because he didn’t have any cash and we don’t accept credit cards.  He came back because he felt so bad and gave me Indian money.  I am 100 Rupees richer.  There is a picture of Gandhi on the bill, good luck I think.

~ Picking up loads more shifts at the Cafe.  I am going to Poland/Budapest and Istanbul (YA!!!!!!!!!) and love having the extra money.

~ I AM GOING TO POLAND BUDAPEST AND ISTANBUL!!!!

~ Dating is a part-time job and is exhausting.

~ I read the most amazing book!  The China Study.  Highly recommend it.  An extreme look at diet and health but very very interesting.

~ Yoga at Strala Yoga is my heaven.  Therapy in this city.

~ I recently went out with a guy who gave me a point by point description on how to take good care of your teeth.  Yup, that was an interesting 10minutes.  Did get a couple good tips though.

~ I don’t have health insurance…. yes, I am one of those people.

~ I managed to pull out of my wall….. my kitchen cabinet.  No idea how I accomplished this but the wine glasses that survived the first crash, did not make it through this one.  If your home life is a reflection of your life in general, what does this mean???!!!

~ Charlie Sheen is unfortunately a train wreck I have clocked some serious time googling

~ New Yorker’s live to brunch.  And I do love serving brunch at the Cafe.

~ You MUST jay walk in NYC ~ You  MUST NOT jay walk in other cities, as my poor friend found out a jay walking ticket later in LA.

~ I officially have my New York License.  The most horrifying picture I have on an ID in years.

~ Remember names and get phone numbers.  It is amazing the connections and things you can make happen.  Also never be afraid to ask for anything.  As someone once told me in SD ~ ‘it is always a NO unless you ask’

~ If you want to serial date in NYC, join okcupid. com

~ I don’t eat meat anymore (for 365 days, I think I am on day 12) but there are some mean burger making restaurants in this city.  Seriously ~ screw NYC pizza, come for the burgers.

~ I will own an apartment in the Time Warner Building

~ I find the giant rats and coffins that the union members prop up outside of buildings they are protesting very entertaining

~ If your metro card de-magnatizes (for a reason completely unknown to you) kiss that puppy goodbye.  The MTA has made it completely impossible to get a replacement.

~ My ‘winter’ coat last year has worked its way into my ‘spring’ wardrobe this year.  Looks like I am becoming more of a baby with the cold.  No idea how I survived in that thing last year.

~ I have a friend who is leaving NYC soon.  So excited for her because I feel she is doing something I did just a year ago.  But am sad just the same….

~ I love when I say where I live and the response is “oh, that is where Bloomingdale’s is.”

~ I went to sleep at 9 o’clock the other night and a friend texted me to see if I was ok.  My response ~ ‘of course, I am old and tired.”

~ I have a serious obsession with apples and raisins

~ Haven’t shopped for new clothes since the day after Christmas…. Tragic I know…. you can also get bed bugs from stores in NYC.  Nike Town and Hollister are just a couple who have shut down for some time due to bed bugs…. I think Victoria’s Secret did too, but I could be making that up.

~ I am going to live and raise a family in the city.  And the night of my 33rd birthday, as I had some of my closest friends all together at a great French Restaurant in Hells Kitchen, I was told by them, that I am more of a New Yorker than they are some days.  LOVE IT!

A few months back I (or my Dad more specifically) sold my car.  Again, let’s go back to August when I was home for a week.  My trendy silver civic was still in our family.  My mom was toying with the idea of driving that permanently or her BRIGHT YELLOW car of some sort.  Somehow the bright yellow won…. I remember driving that little car of mine over the week.  I knew this would probably be the last time since moving back was not an option (and driving in this city is not an option either).  This was the first car I had bought and basically this thing carted me all over San Diego for almost 10years.  Lots of memories…..  But in the end….no point in keeping it.  And the money was needed.  So off it went to a girl, who I think had just recently graduated school, or had moved back home.  The details have escaped me as I didn’t want to think about who was taking my baby!!!  I think I may have actually shed a tiny tear.  Good thing I was here and not there.  Probably would have changed my mind at the last minute.

How do I become attached to lifeless objects so easily….

And then there was yesterday.  The NYC DMV….  Yup, I am officially a resident, signed up to vote and for the VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE….  I have the address of where I am currently living on my ID instead of my parents address.  Seriously…. I FEEL LIKE AN ADULT!!!  So there I am, looking across at this woman at the DMV and my shiny, bright, California drivers license.  In the picture I basically look naked (tube top on) and I have a bronzed tan.  I remember that day so clearly in my mind for some reason.  God only knows what the picture I took yesterday will look like.  I basically had on a pseudo turtle neck and while I have grown acustomed to my whiteness, I am not sure how that will photograph.  I tried not to be too emotional as she stapled my ID to some bits of paperwork…. the shredder I feel that little piece of my history will be going too.

I walked out really sad…. again, a lifeless object has my heart and I second guessed my decision.  Should I have just renewed my Cali license?  Kept that little bit of myself going…..  But within 30min (same as with everything else I have a heart string attached too that is nothing more than an object) I was thinking how great it will be to have my NYC license.  And now today, the day after, I don’t miss my Cali license anymore.

There are days that I swear this move feels like the never-ending emotional band aid that I am slowly pulling off.  Not sure how many more “Cali” things there will be for me to shed but I feel like yesterday may have been one of the last.  PS…. 6days till my 33rd birthday!

Oh and double PS… in NYC they don’t ask your weight for your ID.  WHOOP WHOOP

I had not visited New York at this point and begged and begged this certain ex of mine for us to move.  His words exactly “Nicole, go spend a winter there first.”  Valid…

I was excited to go back to the place I had once thought would be my home….. We arrived… stayed in a great hotel (very very very comfy beds), ate incredible meals, enjoyed wine, all of our meetings went very well…. I met loads of great people in the advertising world.  We even went salsa dancing one night and both my boss and I feel in love with the beef tartare at China Grill (we even came up with a beef tartare jingle).  But through it all, there was not one single feeling of “I wished I lived there”.  Not one.  Business travel is, for obvious reasons, very different.  Instead of the Natural History Museum, Navy Pier and the Sears Tower (now called the Willis Tower, how did that happen???) I saw the insides of Y&R, Ogilvy and Leo Burnett.  Eh, not complaining though.  I did enjoy being there right before the Bears played their last playoff game.  That town does love them some Chicago teams.  I did want to go to the new Trump Tower that is massive and have a drink at the top!!!!!  Until I called and found out the bar was on the first floor….pfft… what were they thinking.  My one sight-seeing event ended with that phone call.

I have had my first taste of what it feels like to come home from a business trip too.  I never got it… and now I do…. a little.  It is hard to catch up!  Sweet jesus…. I did 6 loads of laundry on Sunday.  And someone stole my bath mat for the love of god.

NEW YORK vs CHICAGO…. New York hands down.  Especially last Thursday night when we were trying to find our restaurant and couldn’t…. it was well below zero degrees, something like the coldest night in 30 years!!!!  I accosted every single person that crossed our path asking them where this restaurant was and almost started crying.  Bless my poor boss.  Luckily my Cali girl weather issues were made up for in hours and hours of good laughs.  Can’t ask for much more on a business trip.

I also had my first year anniversary on January 9th!  Feels good to be able to say when people ask, “how long have you lived in NYC?” to say, one year.  I don’t count the months anymore.  LOL  Funny to think how much I did last year.  Now I just think, oh god, I am going to be 33 in less than a month!!!!!!

I was nervous about waiting tables again, it had been so long!  And the damn cappucinno machine scared me.  Still does for that matter.  For 8months I was given the opportunity to serve brunch to the people of NYC.  Cafe Forant is a tiny city inside a big city.  I met some of the most amazing and interesting people, actors/writers/dancers/photographers.  Became great friends with a few of them.  I would go in at 9am ~ work till 5pm and then stay until 11pm!!!  Just hanging out and having the occasional glass of wine .  Constant laughter, mixed with a few high stress “I can’t see straight I am so busy” moments made this job unforgettable.  I had my own personal stage…. and I loved being the lead part.  Except when Carolyn would come in and steal my thunder.

A career came into my life and I went from a few days a week to just Saturdays.  I was just not ready to give it up.  Even though it had me working 6 days a week.  Which in your 30′s has it’s challenges.  They all (owners and customers) are a family and the comfort and peace you have of being there makes anything challenging going on in your life seem more manageable.  You can always turn to them for advice, and damn good advice at that!  Let out some tears, frustrations…. the usual “I don’t understand why HE would do this?”  Why does everything bad seem to revolve around men!  LOL

Carolyn and Lea are my mamma bears in the big city….. and yesterday I ended my employment at Cafe Forant.  That voice that I have been following, with much success, has been telling me it is time to let that part of the story come to an end and make room for whatever is next.  I told Carolyn that this decision has been one of the harder ones!  I can describe it as letting go of a security blanket as a little girl.  The comfort I felt having that consistency in my life, was very very difficult to say goodbye too.  And in typical Carolyn fashion, with the most beautiful smile on her face, she says “are you tired baby girl?”  I turned into a 3year old at that moment and just nodded my head with a big pouty face.

So while the employment chapter ends at Cafe Forant ~ the friendships have only just begun ~ AND now I get to go there on the weekends and actually have brunch!!!